Featured Eating Disorder Recovery Blog

by Emily (Rader Programs)

Symbiosis

Prior to leading my first ANAD eating disorder support group, I considered that I might possibly be triggered by doing this work. I wondered if it might make me want to go back to barely eating. But already I had begun to see the beauty in recovery. I thought and felt differently. Memories of hospital hell and all I’d endured to fight through my eating disorder still lingered fresh in mind, with heightened emotions attached and intact. I knew, both physically and psychologically speaking, that I could not go through that again. I had also realized through the incredibly challenging quest of extracting my eating disorder from my life and my sense of identity, the need to hurt myself finally subsided and the desire to protect and take care of myself emerged.

In eerie detail, I can recall how scared, confused, and entrenched in my eating disorder I used to be, and how utterly alone I felt. Eating disorder treatment, for me, was the most challenging experience of my life. In my many encounters with professionals that should have known better than to do/say/write/act/think the things they did, in witnessing so many missed opportunities to actually help and support someone with an eating disorder, something in me awakened. I thought to myself, “This is not right. Something must be done about this…”

Ironically, that meant I would have to take care of myself (i.e. eat) in order to have even a shot at being there for you or changing anything about the way eating disorders are treated, perceived, or developed. By the end of my first support group meeting, I knew that I had definitely found my niche, my fuel, my passion, my drive. In so many ways, you are my inspiration and motivation! I do not want any one of you treated the way I was at times!! Or feeling the way I felt!!! And I know in many places, many towns, many different facilities and hospitals, that similar mistakes, insults, ignorance, unnecessary pain and hardship are being inflicted on you, too…

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