Dear Eating Disorder,
To deal with all the uncertainty, self doubt, self rejection, rejection by others, etc…all the stuff that generates highly uncomfortable feelings of pain, sadness, loss, despair, hopelessness, loneliness, abandonment and shame. You, ED, are the poster child for my former complete rejection of myself! A sort of sick detour from accepting the reality of who I am, what I am, the circumstances of my life, etc. You lied to me and told me it could all be different and so much better if I lost weight and looked as beautiful as the media images constantly plastered in front of me. Then you further confused me by offering comfort and solace in food. So, you owned me, eating or fasting, fat or thin, I always turned to you.
Only my work with a wonderful therapist & God saved me from your complete destruction of my life. I borrowed the therapist’s unconditional acceptance and approval for myself until I could begin to offer some of this to myself. We faced my demons, we restructured a lot of erroneous conclusions I had drawn about life, and slowly pulled me out of the hell of my eating disorder. That being said, the biggest and far most powerful thing that pulled me from you, Eating Disorder, was God. I now turn to my faith in a loving, omniscient, omnipotent God who has it all under control. I accept I do not have it all figured out, under control, or even necessarily understand all the painful things that happen in life. Rather, I make the knot at the end of my rope, my faith in God, not food, thinness, or image. This was nothing short of a miracle considering I had been willing to sacrifice my health, my relationships, my future and more to be thin.
-Anonymous
2 comments:
ED
I find you a comfort from a world of injustice, cruelty, disapointment,saddness, lies, and no respect for others. I can do what I want and you won't yell at me, hit me, take advantage of me emotionally and physically. I can isolate when I want and you aren't telling me I need to do this or that. You accept me unconditioally. If you ever go away I don't think I could stand to live without you.
ED,
As I was growing up you sheltered me, gave me support when I felt alone. You were mine and no one could take you away. I felt powerful.
But friendships change and I can see your claws now, feel the pressure you force upon me. You made me feel ashamed to be myself; I thank you for making me stronger, strong enough to break away and stand on my own.
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