Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Holidays.....lots of feelings, lots of family interaction, how is it going for you? What is working for you to take care of yourself this year?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh yes.. the good old holiday time.. You know, this particular subject has taken me a few years to accomplish but I have found several things that have worked for me. I used to get so stressed out and overwhelmed at my family's homes and or gatherings. I finally figured out that the biggest problem was that I was NEVER putting myself OR my THOUGHTS/ FEELINGS first.
I have a totally different perspective on this issue today. I finally had to remove myself from the situation if things got to be too much. I will even now to this day sometimes just leave and go walk the dog. (Even if its not my dog.) I sometimes need a bit of fresh air. Our families are wonderful and they mean well but sometimes they can be inconsiderate of others' feelings.
The first few times just excusing myself was tough. Now after a few years my family knows that I will put myself first. Yes, I DO care for others but when things overwhelm me I speak up for myself. Before, I would just bottle everything up inside and be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I REFUSE to torture myself anymore. I have closed that chapter of my book in life.
I will also reward myself for being able to handle certain situations. It is small things too. Such as maybe renting a favorite old time movie, giving myself a pedicure, buying my favorite lotion, etc. You might all find this comical but even to this day I carry with me (when going to relatives and inlaws homes) sticks of candles and a placemat. If mealtime gets too stressful I will remove myself from the situation and have a nice candlelight dinner outside or in the other room.
I usually have a couple of people even join me that feel the same way. I have learned throughout my recovery process that putting myself first instead of last (like before) has been a big stepping stone for me. I think the biggest thing is giving myself permission to be different than my family and (yes this was a huge obstacle for me) but it worked!! I love my family more than anything else in the world but I do excuse myself from the given situation if it gets to be too much.
I have even carried a deck of cards with me and I take them out and go in the other room if I find myself slipping into a detour. It works believe it or not. My family is more accepting of me now than they have ever been in my WHOLE life and respect me for my feelings and or actions. We are all unique individuals and I find its extremely important (whether families understand it or not), to nurture ourselves with all the tender and loving care we can possibly give ourselves..

Anonymous said...

Holidays are very hard for me, I feel more alone and sad than any other time of year. I don't want to go home, because of all the emotions that stur up in me. I love my family and am thankful for them, but it is still hard for me. I have not yet found a way to get through Christmas without pain and sadness, but it does get slightly easier each year. I am trying to hang out with friends and find love through others. I also get through by loving others and caring for those who don't have anything.
Christmas day is tough, I try and talk to some of my friends on Christmas, even if it is asking them what they got for Christmas.

Most importantly...remembering the reason for the season...that brings joy to my life...
Merry Christmas everyone

Anonymous said...

thax for your prayers. i am so happy that you found God, he is a very important part in recovery. let the lord be your light and follow him to your future.