Thursday, June 09, 2005

22 year old woman dies of anorexia/bulimia...

Here is the link to the article:

http://www.4utah.com/local_news/abc4_health/story.aspx?content_id=C128F5E4-1C99-4258-8B61-BF29B6D2C50D

Beautiful and talented Miss Ashley died after just two years of battling her eating disorder! How terrifying........she had everything to live for and now we have lost this precious young woman to disease that threatens so many lives....yet can be stopped....

What do y'all think about this? My heart is broken for Ashley and her family...

Jacquelyn

13 comments:

Jeanette said...

I think this is another very real reminder of the powerful consequences of this disease. It is so sad to read the article because you see a life that was full of so much potential and now it is over. She will just become another statistic of the disorder.

That is one thing that keeps me going each day. I don't want to be another statistic. I don't want to be another girl that dies before she could really impact this world. I want to make a difference in people's life and I don't want it to be because I died of an ED. I want to make a difference in life not death.

Jamie said...

Very true, Jeanette! Thats how I feel -I don't want to be another statistic. I want to live a long happy life and make an impact on the world. I want to be an inspirational person in people's lives and I want to be able to help people too. When I become too old to do ballet then I would love to become a psychologist and be able to help people. Those are the two things that I love to do -ballet and help people.

That is just so sad that that girl died at such a young age. She seemed to have so much potential and it is very unfortunate that her ED took her life from her. No one deserves to die from such a devastating disease and I'm determined to not let it destroy my life either...

Jeanette said...

Jamie you would be great at helping people. You have a very "catching" personality and can light up a room. It would be a shame for your life to be cut short by this disease. I think you have to fight hard to recover so that you can share a part of you with the world. You are so young and have so much to offer the world. Keep fighting hard!

Jeanette said...

As I read that article again...I still have that thought "this won't happen to me." I am not sick enough. I am not thin enough. etc etc etc. It is hard for me to come to grips with the fact that these disorders can kill anyone. Just thought I would add that...

Amanda said...

This is such tragic story, and my heart aches for the family of this girl. It is so terrifying to realize that this could happen to me, too.

Jamie said...

Aww! Wow! Thank you so much for saying that Jeanette! You made my day!

Yeah, I have those same thoughts about how this disease could never kill me. I go through days (like today) where I eat what would be considered very little and yet I still have the strength to do 2.5 hours of ballet, and 1 of biking, walking a mile or 2, swim laps, and plus all the other exercising I do. I think that I must not have a problem if I am able to do all of that in one day without passing out. I also know that I'm not thin enough (etc.) so I don't understand why parents and everyone else really want to ship me off to some hospital instead of letting me do my 5 week ballet Summer Intensive at Orlando Ballet. I'm just so devastated that my ballet is being taken away when I don't think that I'm that 'sick' -or whatever... haha but maybe I'm just in denial... I guess... haha whoops! I understand that me going to a hospital is for my own good, and it is definitely the best thing for me, but I wish that it could wait until after Orlando Ballet -but Carla (the Therapist who's office we use for group) and my parents don't think that its good for me to be left 'unsupervised' for 5 whole weeks....::sigh:: The whole hospital thing just kind of freaks me out... I even had a dream about being tricked and trapped in a hospital... I was really scared and depressed throughout the whole dream... now I feel really uneasy about the whole process... I know that it's probably necessary for me to go, ...but I don't know...
(Sorry I'm just sort of rambling on -like always (taha!))

Yay Amanda! You're posting too! I agree, it is very terrifying that this could happen to me -or actually to any of us...

I'm finding it so ridiculously hard for me to actually eat -especially now that I'm under a 'contract'(haha) (by Carla) to eat three meals a day... hmm I'm not being very successful... Sorry, it's just so difficult. I'm thinking 'hmmm ok, Jamie -you've got to eat, remember??' and then I can't decide really what to eat because there isn't any food that I feel is really worth eating -it doesn't taste that good to me, and all it does is make me feel guilty for eating it... and then I'm like no, I don't want to eat. I don't feel hungry -but maybe I just can't recognize that feeling anymore... I do feel dizzy -so I guess that I should eat. So what should I eat...ahhh!! all these thoughts are so annoying and unnecessary. They take over my brain and all that I can think about is FOOD FOOD FOOD! Ahh hahaha... and it would be o so much easier to just not eat anything at all, and then I wouldn't have to worry about what to eat etc.... but nope! Can’t do that! I have to eat something so that I won’t die! Haha, so I guess that I'll just exercise more to compensate for the extra calories - and all this exercise is so inconvenient and tiring etc.... but I can't stop. I have to do something to get rid of the food I eat...
Blah blah blah blah... sorry, I'm just blabbing on about nothing!! haha, but that’s basically what constantly goes through my head. -and I wish that I could just think 'normal' thoughts like 'normal' people... but I'm definitely not a current candidate for normalcy -haha am I? Nope!
Alrighty then! I guess I'll shut up now! Sorry for writing so long about absolutely nothing! Good job to those who successfully read this comment because it's so pointlessly long -I don't even want to re-read it for grammatical errors... haha sorry!!!
Take care everyone!!!

eating disorder hope said...

Hello Ladies!
Jamie - your postings are great -- you write so well, and are able to express feelings and thoughts that so many of us feel or have felt....I love reading your posts---so please continue to post...voraciously, if you like.....you and your thoughts are appreciated here!
Jeanette- I got your message but it was hard to understand(phone static)...Did I understand correctly that you have an appt coming up with the wonderful Dr. C?
Thanks for posting on the blog regularly, you bring a tremendous amount of knowledge and insight to the blog....
Amanda - yeah! You posted! Thanks for contributing! I am so sad about the loss of this young lady too....maybe we can add some meaning to her death by learning from it and choosing differnt paths? I have a picture of another young woman who died of anorexia/bulimia up in my home office, it has inspired me greatly to be a catalyst for change and healing for myself and others....just a thought.....
love, j.

Jamie said...

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Jacki (spelling?), I think that it is great that you have been helping and advising people and I just wanted to say thank you for all wonderful help and support you have been giving all of us. I think that you are doing a great job leading the group and posting on this blog. You and Carla both have truly inspired me to go out into the world and help and support people when I 'grow up'.

Hmmm...Now on a separate note, I'm not too sure that I'm ready to go to a hospital -not yet at least. I would very much so prefer to wait until my 5-week ballet SI (summer intensive) with Orlando Ballet. I have been waiting aaaaaallll year long for this.... For ballet dancers who are wishing to go professional it is a significant 'stepping stone' in their ballet training to go away in the summer and be able to study intensively. So it greatly disappoints me that I may not be able to attend this vital Intensive... but I guess that is just one of the many inconvenient consequences of this disease... it separates us from the things we love to do... o well, too bad! I guess if it is fate for me to not be a successful ballet dancer, than that is that ... I've just got to trust my capricious future...
I don't know why, but I just love this quote!:

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
-Corrie ten Boom

Ciao!
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Jeanette said...

Jamie I love that quote!!! I could totally relate to your random ramblings. Those same thoughts go through my head.

Jacki...yes I got an appointment with Dr. C.....but actually I am going to have to cancel it. I just found out I have a meeting at work and won't be able to get off in time. I will try and reschedule.

On a different note...I had a really bad weekend. Gone are the days where I could eat nothing and still be super active. I have no energy left. I spent most of my weekend in bed this weekend. I got out a couple of times and walked around downtown...but I tired so quickly. I tried to go to the mall once and could not do it. I don't want to be like this. I want to be "normal"...whatever that means. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and it is more depressing news after more depressing news. I am ready for this disease to go away. Sorry for the complaining....just where I am at this morning.

Thanks

Jeanette

Jamie said...

Hola Chicas!!!

I am so sorry to here that, Jeanette... I am struggling with energy too (in dance) -and it can be just so frustrating to not be able to do the things that I once could do. Ballet use to be fun and now it's becoming more and more like work. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE to dance, it just disappoints me that I don't have the energy to dance to my fullest ability...

Well, I hope that you can reschedule your appointment with Carla because she is an awesome person and I am sure that you will just adore her like the rest of us do. What did the doctor tell you (if you don't mind mw asking.)?

well, my weekend wasn't too amazing either. My dad was pretty set on sending me to a hospital, but then I guess he's going back into 'denial' about my issues with eating food and he's becoming more and more opposed to the whole hospital thingy. He said that it was up to Carla (whom I saw today), my best friend's dad -Dr. Roger Robinson (psychiatrist) whom I'm seeing Tuesday night, and the Cardiologist (whom I'm seeing on Thursday-yay!!! woo hoo!!!). Wow I have a lot of appointments this week! My mom on the other hand realizes that I have a problem and she keeps calling me on the phone crying and saying, "Jamie, I just want you to be happy! I can't stop worrying about you. I wish that you were with me right now!" (By the way I'm staying with my dad for a week and my mom is a bit clingy haha.) So I tell my mom "mom, stop worrying. I'm FINE." well, actually I'm not really fine -but I don't want to freak out my already high-strung, paranoid mother. I'm still not really eating... but my dad thinks that I am because he found a receipt in my bag that said I had bought all this candy. Yes, I bought the candy. No, my body didn't digest it because I did the whole chewing and spitting thing with it. - Is that a form of bulimia or something? I don't know, but I do that a lot...spit things out...I know it's gross, but it's become a very addicting habit...sorry! So now he's like "well, this proves that you're being anorexic is just a myth!" I was like "o gosh, Dad you have no idea..." o well... that's his problem if he refuses to believe the truth about what's really going on in my life...

Anywho... today Carla told me that she's pretty sure that I won't be going to Orlando. Yeah, but my dad is fixed on the idea that I will be going. -Especially since him and my mom have spent somewhere around $4,000 on it...no need for that money to be wasted (it may be refundable, though….) I have no idea if I want to go either go to Orlando or a hospital...of course I DO want to go to Orlando, but if my health/life is on the line, then.... hmmmmm...

Yeah, so Jeanette, I'm with you too that I am ready for this disease (along with it's accompanied consequences) to go far far away!!! -But I know that is not happening anytime soon...I'm pretty confident in the fact that I'm going to be dealing with these issues for a looong loooong time... that's too bad, -I wish that I could just let go of all of it and be able to live life to the fullest... but I know that this disease isn't finished damaging my life yet. I'm sure that it's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets any better... It is already getting worse... ::sigh::

Quote time!!! Yay (I think that I'll post a quote every time I comment -woo hoo! I LOVE QUOTES!!!):

"Remember the road to healing winds through pain, anguish, sickness, and many tears."
-Amanda Ford

Hmm…not very inspirational…lets try this one!:

“Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed at, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”
-Pope John XXIII

That’s better…
Hang in there everyone!!!

Jeanette said...

Jamie....I wish I could offer some magic words of advice to you to help you make this decision. I have been right where you are now and it is not an easy place to be. This is what I have to say about your situation...first of all the hospital only works if you are totally committed to making it work. There is NO point in going to the hospital because your therapist or parents want you to...until you are totally ready to give up this ED. I have gone to the hospital numerous times because a therapist or someone important in my life wanted me to go. Those treatments never worked and turned out to be a waste of time. Only within the last year has treatment really made an impact on my behavior because I wanted to be there and wanted to give up my ED.

When I was in high school I gave up many trips and many things because someone wanted me to be in treatment or thought I was too sick to go. I regret that I missed out on so much because of this illness.

Jamie...your family dynamics seem a bit challenging!!! I can totally understand the chewing and spitting thing. I think sometimes those around us look for a sense of security that we are going to be ok. So when your dad found the receipt...it gives him a false sense of security that he so desperately wants and needs. The last thing in the world they want to deal with is that you are not ok. It is hard for those around us to watch us fall apart.

My doctor just lectured me because I lost a very large amount of weight this week. He says things like "just quit purging" or "just eat" and if I could just do it....then I would be fine and rich because I could help everyone else out there with an ED. Doctor's annoy me sometimes. I don't think they really understand.

ok...I know this is a long post. sorry guys!!!

Jeanette

Jamie said...

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Thank you for your comment Jeanette! Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I'll be going to my five week intensive in orlando (yay!). My doctors don't think that I should -I'm not even sure that I should go...but I know that I'll regret it if I don't go and my parents have already spent a ton of money on this whole ordeal... I hope that being away for a while will help distract me from all my obsessive food thoughts, but it will actually probably increase those thoughts since I will be surrounded by many better/thinner dancers... this camp will be quite stressful, but it will definitely be a great experience -at least it should... my mom said that if I can't make it through the whole camp then she'll fly over and pick me up and probably admit me to a hospital right then and there. Let's just hope that that won't happen and that I'll be able to last dancing 7 hours a day(!!!) for five weeks.
I agree with you on the fact that my dad is looking for any excuse to prove that I don't have a problem... "Sorry to dissapoint you dad..."

Today, I saw my old wonderful psychiatrist. ) -I haven't seen him for over 3-4 years. He kept me for a long time -2 hours (very nice of him to do so) and he said I scored a 67% on the depression tests thingty; mild depression= 40%, moderate/severe = 60%... so me being 67% hmmm...haha I guess that I do have a problem. (whoops! tehe)So he prescribed me Prozac -20 mg. (which he said was low, but he was going to gradually increase it). he also wrote a prescription for a sleep aid -ambien, but he said that I shouldn't start taking the meds until after orlando(if I go...) because he didn't want me to being having complications when I'm far far away...haha... He doesn't think that it is safe for me to go, but he also doesn't think that I'm at the point of hospitalization -yet... he's afraid that it would be a waste and that I'd relapse once I left the hospital, but he said if the cardiologist thinks that I should go then he would help admit me since he has worked with several hospitalized girls -and anorexic ballet dancers too. He told me that all of his anorexic ballet dancers that he has treated had to give up there ballet training because the anorexia had ruined it for them.... he said that I could (of course) still be successful, but I'd be the first to get past the disease and make ballet as my career...great....
anywho...he told me that I did a very great job hiding my depression with all my giggling and smileing (haha I can't help it, its like a security blanket for me to act happy-go-lucky all the time... and yeah, sometimes I really am happy, and sometimes its just haveing waaaaaaay too much caffiene (whoops!) haha....but most of the time it is a facade...a way for me to keep from feeling exposed and vulnerable...I need to work at being more 'real' ...but maybe the 'real' me is a painfully happy girl -taha or whatever, I don't know...hmmm)

Quote:
"When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity."
-John F. Kennedy
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SANDY said...

JANUARY,17,2008 A 36 YEAR OLD WOMAN DIED OF ANOREXIA.I HAPPEN TO FIND HER AFTER SHE PASSED AWAY IN HER APARTMENT.SHE WAS LYING ON HER KITCHEN FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER STOVE.ALL BUT 60 POUNDS OF HER.SHE DID'NT SHOW UP FOR WORK FOR TWO DAYS.CO-WORKERS WE'RE CONCERNED AND CALLED ME TO CHECK ON HER. I AM HER LANDLORD AT THE APARTMENT COMMUNITY SHE LIVED AT IN MICHIGAN.I KNEW SHE HAD A EATING DISORDER AND KNEW WHAT IT WAS AND SHE WAS SO THIN.I HAVE HAD SUCH A HARD TIME WITH THIS.GALS AND GUYS PLEASE GET YOURSELF SOME HELP.IT'S NOT FAIR FOR A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND TO FIND SOMEONE LIKE THIS.YOU CAN GET BETTER IF YOU WANT TO.THIS GIRL WAS A CHRISTIAN.SHE WROTE ME A LETTER A DFEW WEEK BEFORE SHE DIED(BECAUSE I HAD THE POLICE AND AMBULANCE AT HER APT. ON THANKSGIVING.) ANOTHER FRIEND HAD CALLED CONCERNED SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER)DAH! SHE WAS SICK. ANY WAY THE LETTER THANKED ME FOR CARING ABOUT HER.AND SHE SAID THAT THIS HAD TO COME TO AN END SOON.SHE KNEW THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR HER AND SHE COULDN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT HIS PLAN WAS.WELL IN AN ERIE KIND OF WAY HE DID HAVE A PLAN.AND SHE IS LIVING ENTERNITY BECAUSE OF HIS PLAN.(THANK THE LORD)HE SAVED HER FROM WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.AGAIN, PLEASE GET YOURSELVES HELP!MY NAME IS SANDY AND I JUST HAD TO RIGHT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GIRL.36 YEARS OLD AND DIED FROM AN EATING DISORDER. THANKS