Monday, June 20, 2005

Osteoporosis and Eating Disorders

Here is a great resource for information about osteoporosis and eating disorders:

http://gurze.net/site12_5_00/osteo.htm

What do you think about it?

Jacquelyn

23 comments:

Jamie said...

anxiety anxiety anxiety!
ahhh!
My dad is making me eat so much now, and I HATE it!!! ugh! I feel so gross and so guilty and ewwwwww!!! He does not realize how much anxiety this is causeing me! gross gross gross gross gross!!! (I know that it is probably not that much food, but it feels like a ton...at least it isn't 'fatty' foods...but still...)
ugh!
I feel like a fat blimp!
haha
sorry... I just feel terrible when I have to eat...even if it really isn't alot, it feels like I've eaten a whole years worth of food...grossness!
blah! and they arn't allowing me to exercise anymore, so I'm just going to go clean. I can't just sit here and let my body absorb ALL of these calories! ew!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi there Jamie...
It sounds like you are having a difficult time with eating...understandably....it is a hard adjustment...but, nutrition can help you to think clearer and really help you to make the best decisions possible at this crucial time...weight is not your worth, it does not define who you are in this world....your spirit and soul are so much more valuable than how you look.....
Food is good...a source of nutrition to nurture and develop your body and self...
Try to hear what I am saying amidst all the eating disordered voices in your head, I know it is tough.
You are brave and strong and can overcome this ed!
love, j.

Jamie said...

I wanted to apologize if I presented any negative energy in group last night. I've been just going through a reeeeaally hard time with all of this and it is just getting rapidly worse by the minute. I'm sorry that I haven't been 'real' in group...I've been hiding my true problems and emotions because I have been on guard for so long. Katie and I had an awesome talk last night about how I need to stop pretending and hiding and how I need to stop talking about 'surface issues' instead of the overbearing painful core issues... because yeah, I am going through a lot of crap in my life (other than the problems with food) and those problems are just further complicating my horrible issues with food. For example, I should have talked last night about how my dad was lecturing to me on how I shouldn't be so selfish and want to go into a hospital because he needs to save his money for his own retirement. -now who’s the selfish one here? I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointing daughter and sucking all of your money from you...my gosh, but can you not see how much I am struggling? nope....he doesn't get it, and neither does my mom. Lets see....another issue that I don't really feel the need to confront because I'm so guarded is my moms dependence on alcohol. That really causes some emotional scarring. For instance, on Monday after I had hung out with Katie and Amanda, Katie brought me home to my mom's house. Katie had to wait outside for 10+ minutes while I was constantly calling my mom's phone to wake her to unlock the door for me. She was so passed out and wasted that it took her 10 minutes to hear me calling. -and that is just not right...it isn't...and its hard for me to talk about these things because I'd rather just numb out my emotions like I've been doing for so long. I distract myself with obsessing about food and keeping myself busy so that I won't have to think through my thoughts -because my thoughts really do scare me...they make me feel so uncomfortable, and I just feel so exposed and vulnerable when I go out in public and talk about what is really going on in my life...I mean I feel like I haven't really been 'real' to my therapist either,. why the hell am I so guarded? I think that the only person that I've talked about all the crap in my life -is Katie. and thank you so much Katie for helping me tear down all of these protective walls that I've built around myself. I'm always just hiding -smiling and laughing and saying 'its all good!' -when it really isn't...it really isn't...

ok sorry...I'm just blabbing about nothing,....I tend to that...talk about such unimportant things...you guys don't need to read through all of this because I sound so selfish and self-absorbed...and bratty...sorry!
I need to just pretend to be happy...wait no, I shouldn't be doing that I've got to figure out how to be 'real'....ugh I hate being so exposed...blah...whatever...hmmm...haha...ok talk to everyone later!!!
*~Jamie~*
PS-I don't really want to post this because I feel like I complain waaaayy tooooo much...ahhh sorry....o well, I'll post it anyways...blah....

Katie said...

Well, through my tears sitting at my computer at work, I am going to try to find words to express what I am feeling...Jamie, I am so honored that you let me see behind the wall you have put up for so long...and behind that wall of sillyness and blahs and whatevers, there is so much pain and disappointment and confusion, and you have every right to feel all those things that you have been suppressing. Just in the short time that we have known each other, you have helped me learn so much about myself and about my own struggles over the years. And you have reminded me of my own worth and value...the empathy and compassion I feel for you reminded me that my sensitivity to others doesn't have to be a curse; it's truly a gift. I just have to figure out how to channel it in constructive ways. And I am so proud of you for being so honest and candid in a more public forum. I know how scary it is to feel no control over your life...to want your parents to do or be something that they aren't and probably can't be...to want to be understood. You know, we have talked about how everything happens for a reason...you know that as painful as it is to accept, not going to Orlando was truly for the best, for your health, emotional well-being, and even your career. You won't have a career in ballet with permanent heart damage...or under the ground. I have faith in you...you will make it through this...and when you do, you will have insight and understanding and peace...I promise.

Katie

AmandaR said...

I just want to thank everyone for making me feel so comfortable in the group. I had gone to groups before and I never felt that much a part of a group after one night. That shows how caring and supportive the group is. I just want to think y’all so much. It really means a lot to me.

eating disorder hope said...

Hello Amanda!
We enjoyed having you at the group last night! You fit right in and we are happy to have you joining us.
It sounds like you are taking some important steps toward recovery by working with your therapist, the auspicious Dr. C! and coming to group will hopefully add some support and encouragement in your process!
Looking forward to having you with us again next wednesday. Hope you will continue to blog with us until then!
Take care!

Jacquelyn

Jeanette said...

wow Jamie....my heart breaks for you as I read this. Thank you for allowing us to see the real you behind all the smiles. You have sooooooooo much to offer this world and I would totally hate for an eating disorder to ruin all that. ONe thing I have realized is that just because I want people to realize I am alive and hurting....using my eating disorder to try and accomplish that only hurts me in the end. They are still stuck in their own issues. You have to take care of you....you are the only person that can really do that.

Ok...I feel soooooooooooooooo hypicritical saying all that last sentence...but I do believe it but just have a hard time carrying it out.

ok...so here is another little update on me. I ended up going into Harris Methodist yesterday because my potassium dropped really low again. I did not want to be admitted...I just wanted a little something to help get me through the next few days. I did not want to be in the hospital again for a week. So I had a couple of bags of potassium and some potassium pills and my potassium raised up .2 and I got out of the hospital this morning at 4 am. I am soooooooooooo exhausted. My potassium is still really low and in the critical range....but I feel a little better. I decided to come to work today because my work was giving me a really hard time yesterday. So I got home around 4:30 and then slept til about 8 and got to work by 9 this morning. I have worked a full day so far. I am so exhausted. My boss asked me to come in to work tomorrow from 9:30-2:30 to work on a project. It is Saturday....I hate working on the weekends. Then I am suppose to work on Sunday as well for a few hours when we have freshman orientation. I get to help out with recruitment of all the new fish...... (I would rather be in bed!!!!)

ok...sorry for all the negativity. Right now the only thing that sounds wonderful is my head hitting the pillow. What makes this worse is that it is one of my good friends 21st birthday and I promised I would take her out tonight.....and there is nothing left in me. I can honestly say "treatment never looked so appealing" because I am tired of living life like this.

Thanks for reading

Jeanette

Jeanette said...

oh and welcome Amanda. I can't wait to get to know you better. Thanks for going to the grocery store with us. That was really not as bad as I thought it would be!!!

Jamie said...

Hey Amanda (R.)! We are really glad to have had you at group last Wednesday -ooo and the grocery store was fun too. haha! Call me sometime if you want to get together -although I know that you live pretty far away...but don't you have some free time on next Wed. after your appt. with Carla and before group? well, maybe if I'm not busy, we can hang out then...tehe... if you want! okie dokie!
bye bye!

AmandaR said...

Hey Everyone!

Wow….can I say this week / weekend has been really crappy! Cause it has!
I thought I was doing good with my parents/friends telling them how I felt and stuff but it just seems to come back and get me. Well I did not think I would be able to come on Wen.., but I think I have it worked out so I can come. I hope everyone’s weekend was better then mine. I have one thing to ask? I know the ones that are older might not have this problem but does it ever come to your parents saying well we have spent so much money on you already and you want us to keep spending money? This is going on with my parents and so right now I cant handle them saying that so I’m spending my college money on therapy and stuff. I just wondered if anyone has gone through that and what did ya’ll do? Sorry that I’m going on and on. Well have a great night and hope to talk to ya’ll soon.

Jeanette said...

Amanda that is a horrible position your parents are putting you in. I can't relate to parents telling me that since I don't have parents....but one thing I tell myself a lot is this... "you can not put a price tag on your life." With that in mind you can't put a price tag on your recovery either. I have had to pay for all of my treatment myself and there are many times when I just want to quit because it gets too expensive and I would rather spend my money on this or that....but how will that benefit you in the long run.

Can you talk to your parents? Are they responsive? I would try and explain that they comments are not helpful and will not help you along further into recovery. What you need is support and love and not a constant reminder of how much this is costing them. Just a thought...

Sorry you had a bad weekend. I think weekends are hard for a lot of people. I tend to like the structure of a work week better....but that is just me!

I am glad you worked it out so you could come Wed. See you then.

Jeanette

Jeanette said...

here is an update on me...

I just got a call from the treatment center in MO and they will accept me anytime this week. I just have to make all the arrangments now and then I am off. THis is so weird and scarey..... I dont know what to think about it all. It is happening so quick.

Just thought i would update everyone

AmandaR said...

Jeanette-

Thanks for the comment. Its just hard to get my parents to listen cause they dont feel like they have done anything. I am paying for all my stuff right now and its hard cause I have college to pay for, and I just have a little job keeping kids for the summer. Not to much fun. But Im trying to work things out. Im just trying to act happy around them so they dont say wow your always in a bad mood.
But on to you.....Im glad to hear that you are taking the steps to get help. Maybe if you get to have people come vist i will just be down the road so I could drive and see ya. If you would want that. I will be going down there in the end of Aug. I think its great that your work is letting you take the time off. I dont know if its just me but I think its better when things happen fast so you dont have time to talk yourself out of it. I hope for the best and if I can come vist I would love to.
I hope everyones Monday is rockin their socks off cause my Monday has just been another Monday. Have a great week.

Jeanette said...

I totally agree that it helps if things go fast.... I am definitely one to talk myself out of going...think of all the reasons I should not go...etc.

I wish your parents were more supportive. Like I told you on instant message...this can not be totally your fault....you don't just wake up one day and decide that this is going to be how you cope and deal with life. There is so much more to the story......and it is not totally your fault. (easier said then believed I know...) Just don't be too hard on yourself.

Luckily (I think most of the time) I do not have parental units. Sometimes I think that just adds more stress to the recovery process. who knows....

Have a great Monday!

eating disorder hope said...

Hi there Jeanette!
It sounds like good news that you are accepted into the Montana program! I am so glad you are taking the steps to care for yourself and pursue recovery from this eating disorder that has negatively impacted your life for tooooooooooooo long! You deserve health, energy and well-being!
I hope you will continue to blog when you can while in treatment.
Take care if I do not get to see you before you go!
j.

eating disorder hope said...

Amanda -
Parents can be amazingly insensitive at times. My parents refused to pay for my college because of "all the $$ spent on helping me get over my eating disorder", at least that is the best excuse I can figure that they use....at any rate, I have put myself through college and grad school...it has been tough...and I know how hard it is to wish your parents would back you in your recovery, education, etc....I figure my parents did the best the could within the limits of their perspective of the situation....just know you are not alone....
so glad you are blogging with us!
take care!
j.

eating disorder hope said...

Katie -
you are such a supportive and caring person to all the group members...I admire this about you.
Thanks again for adding so much life, insight and experience to our group and blog...
j.

eating disorder hope said...

Jamie -
How are you doing? Are you feeling okay about staying home from Orlando to protect your health? What is happening on the inpatient treatment front?
I am hoping that you are taking good care of yourself and eating well...we need you!
j.

Katie said...

hi jeanette,
i already tried to post this once, so i hope it works this time! i am really glad that you are going to be able to go to the missouri program. i think that you and i are a lot alike in that we are searching for a purpose, and i hope that you will find it soon...please email or call me if you need anything.

Katie

Jeanette said...

Thank you all sooooo much for all the support. I know I need to go......but I am dreading it right now. I have to talk to my boss today and tell him I am leaving for awhile.....so that is a little scarey. Then my to-do list is so long (ha Katie...I am thinking about you right now and your list too!!) Plus I really do not have the energy to even think about packing. I am just praying for the strength right now. I am leaving Thursday for Missouri. I will actually enter the program on Friday morning. I will not have computer access while there. But I can get snail mail.

I guess the part that depresses me the most is that I will be in there for my birthday. I am sick of spending birthdays in treatment. What is really sad about this whole deal is that I was there this time last year....I watched fireworks from my bed....

ok...I guess I am having a pitty party....talk to yall later.

AmandaR said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AmandaR said...

Hey!

Well all I have to say is yea it will suck to miss another b-day and I so understand about being gone and missing stuff. I missed prom, trips I had been thinking about for a year, my b-friends graduation, the day my best guy friend moved or I should say my b-friend at the time. All this stuff I missed and ya it sucks but hey they way to think about it is I miss another b-day and get myself back on my feet and kick this ed now the road then I will never have to miss another b-day whatever you will miss again. I know its hard and I want you to know that I look up to you so much for getting yourself help. Thats great. I know I have not even known ya for a week yet but if you need help getting anything done tell me and I would love to help in anyway. OH yea and if you want someone to see ya or if you can have someone see ya I will just be done the road. I would love to come. (im going to college in MO)Good luck in talking to your boss. I know you will do fine. Well we get to see ya on Wed???? I hope so...

Well how is everyone doing?

Anonymous said...

One of the most troublesome way to go through life, is having to deal with an eating disorder. Thank you so much for putting up this blog to help others learn more about the dibilitating facts of these eating disorders